The Lessons of Resilience

Contributing Author ~ Susan Brown

Bennie & Bodie meeting The Girls.

When anyone experiences trauma – abuse, illness, loss – the path to recovery demands resilience. The ability to rebuild yourself doesn’t come easily to anyone, but it’s particularly difficult for children who have neither the language to describe their fears and feelings, nor the experience to envision their lives getting better. That’s where all the empathetic animals and staff at Courageous Connections help.

It’s a beautiful day at the farm. The summer sun is just warm enough; the soft hums and chirps of insects and birds going about their lives gives a deep sense of calm. The fields and trees shimmer with the rich green and gold of mid-summer. Over by the stable, Leah, a staff instructor, and Karli, a volunteer, are quietly discussing their plans for the next lesson.

Eight-year-old David has been coming to the farm for close to a year, brought by his mom to help him overcome the trauma of a harsh domestic situation. Wisely, she recognizes that the platitude that kids are resilient and will bounce back, doesn’t happen unless the child learns to express their hurt and overcome their sense of helplessness. A desperately hard road to walk alone.

David is bright-eyed and clearly happy to be at the farm today. He jumps out of the car and dashes over to greet Leah and Karli. When Leah gives him a choice for the day’s activities – horses, goats, or chickens, David promptly chooses the smaller and less intimidating goats rather than the big horses, Remi, Ari, and Punkin. On the way to Bodie and Benny’s pen, he abruptly begins telling Leah about his cat who has recently died. His voice is quiet and it’s obvious he trusts her enough to talk about the intense loss he is feeling. As they walk through the barn, she listens closely, her head bent toward him.

“We know how hard that is,” Leah says. “And what a big deal it is to be able to talk about it.”

At the pen, David says, “I’ll do it,” and carefully opens the gate allowing himself and the others to slide in without disturbing the goats.

He pats Bodie’s black head, but then goes to balance on the big roller inside the pen while the goats watch with calm interest. He needs to talk a bit more about his loss. It’s a short but meaningful conversation as David processes how to manage his feelings.

Leah shares how she felt when she, too, had a beloved pet die. In a low voice, David talks about what he is doing to help himself cope now that he has the ashes.

“Saying it out loud, rather than stuffing your feelings down,” Leah assures him. “That’s important.”

David nods, climbs off the roller, and after Leah’s demonstration, practices putting a harness on the goats. He’s learning to gently manage them with touch and light body pressure. Bodie nibbles on his boot and he strokes his head.

After his work with the goats, David goes to greet the chickens. He confidently shuts himself inside the coop and lets the hens, especially his favorite, Brown Nugget, peck feed from his cupped hand.

“David is a great chicken wrangler,” Leah says and David grins. With the chickens cared for, there is just enough time for him to go over to the stables and say hello to the mini-horse, Willow.

Karli holds Willow’s lead rope, and even though it was his idea to go, David greets the horse from a few steps away. Even a little horse can be intimidating when the world seems too big and difficult.

“This is experiential therapy,” Leah explains after David’s session is over. “It happens in the moment. The animals use their five senses, and thinking isn’t one of them. That’s why they’re such great teachers.”

David is at home with the animals who live at the Courageous Connections farm, reaching out to the mini-horse, chickens, and goats as though they are his trusted companions. In every calm, confident action, he is living the resilience he has learned from their freely given friendship. That confidence is building the resilience David needs to live well in a sometimes hard world.

Learn more about Susan Brown @ Susan Brown Writes